But Momma, I don't want to be a Pirate!
by Andoriol
Summary: He left all of his treasure in One Piece. Yeah, I get it. But I don't want it. Seriously, would you want to get punched by Whitebeard? But this world seems to have a fascination with pirates, and being born to a pirate isn't exactly conductive to laying low. [Reincarnation SI]
1. Prologue

**But Momma... I don't want to be a Pirate!**

A.N.)- … eh. Why not?

\\_-o(X)o-_/

 **Prologue:**

"But Mooooooom! I don' wanna' be a pirate!"

It says a lot that that's probably the first memory I had of this world.

"You will learn to be the greatest pirate to ever live!" Momma Mk II scolded as she brought the rolled up newspaper down atop my head several times in rapid succession.

Shielding my head with my hands, I whined with all the aplomb and grace of the three year old I was, "But I wanna study historyyy!"

Surprisingly, this was true, I wanted to know more about the amazingly crazy history of this world I had been born into–

"No! I will not have a scholar in this family!" Another few thwaps with the newspaper for that comment.

Now, don't get me wrong, I loved my new momma. I loved her lots. She'd honestly been a good mom so far that I could remember, a little demanding of perfection but eh. She was pretty, but a bit overweight and was missing an arm.

Stuff had been coming to me in bits and pieces as I grew. Life before this… it was a blur, but it was coming back little by little. What kinda kid has post-traumatic flashbacks? … y'know, other than Luffy.

"Now get that rigging secured!" Another thwap of the newspaper and I was off to chores.

Wonderful mom. Aside from the fact that she'd had me on a pirate ship and hadn't gotten off at a port. She was the ship's cook, and unlike most of the series pirates she was actually _just_ the cook now. She used to be pretty fearsome until they'd had to amputate her arm after a cannon had hit it. She'd become the cook after that.

"Florida D. Jacob!" I scurried off, grabbing the rope and tugging it properly to do as she'd said, because for all of the differences between her and my first mother, _that_ tone was the same. I liked being able to sit thank you very much!

-oOo-

"Okay… so… unknown fruit… on a desert island… _why_?"

I groaned, which was followed by my stomach groaning as well.

 _That_ was why. Eesh.

I was on a teeny little island, little over a hundred feet across, with some palm trees and a spring-fed oasis in the middle.

How that pool was spring-fed on an island this small I do not know, but I was grateful. There'd been a few coconuts, and I'd scrounged some rocks and shells out of the ocean and worked my way into those. Sure, I hated the taste of coconut, but it was better than the lone wtf-fruit here. I _knew_ what a coconut was and how it tasted and such, I also knew it was safe to eat.

This? I didn't know.

I'd been here two weeks now.

Two fucking weeks.

It was at times like this that I was happy that physically in this life I was so similar to my previous incarnation. I didn't burn so much as tanning intensified. I was eternally grateful that I hadn't gotten my former little sister's fair skin. She'd have _roasted_ , so I was kinda glad it was me and not her. I'd used the palm fronds to stay out of the sun and had been making some rope from the threads to pass the time.

Getting a fire started had been super hard, worked at it for hours and hours. That first night had been damn near frigid in just a shirt, shorts, and sandals. I'd lost all but my pouch-belt in the wreck…

I ran my thumbs over the swirls on the fruit. It was a dark gray, almost the size of my head and sort of… blocky? It honestly looked like a fruit that was grown into a box or somethin'… not square, but… it looked sorta like someone had taken one of those and made the box with a bunch of little cubbies… the fruit honestly looked like it had cancer.

It's not a tumoh.

I sighed.

"Not looking forward to this…" I reached out and tugged off one of the bulbs off of the main mass. The flesh of the fruit was thick… almost like an apple really, and kinda juicy…

See, I'd already eaten all of the coconuts on the island. I had a stupid metabolism. I ate a lot, burned through food quickly, had good energy, but I also needed to _eat_ a lot. I could down a two pound burger as well as accompanying fries and appetizer and drink when I got going and still eat a solid dinner. The coconuts might'a lasted someone more normal eating-wise for longer but… well… not normal.

I'd tried catching fish, but I was honestly pretty shit at it. A spear hadn't worked since everything in the shallows was too small. I'd used some string and a bit of metal I had on me to make a fishing pole, and I _had_ caught two, but then a fish literally twice my size had grabbed a hold of my bait and ripped the pole out of my hands before I could do anything about it.

So… hunger was setting in. Wonderful pangs of ache in my tummy. Like Pooh Bear, I had a rumbly in my tumbly and I was stalling because who knows if this shit is poisonous or not. I mean, sure, it had swirls on it like Devil-Fruit did, but I mean…

… I'd never seen one before, even in seventeen years of being here, not once did I see a Devil Fruit. My momma might have been able to tell me… no, correction, momma, Captain, and Barely almost certainly would've known. But me? I was working off of conjecture and past-life knowledge…

But I was gonna run with the assumption that this was probably a cancerous tumor of a fruit that had washed up here and was so horrifying that bacteria hadn't eaten it yet!

With a sigh, I brought up the bit of fruit, "If I'm picked up tomorrow and die from this, I am going to be _so pissed_."

 _*Crunch*_

 _'Huh, even crunches like an appooOOOH JESUS THAT IS HORRIFYING!'_ I gagged, nearly spitting out the piece of fruit.

I dry heaved a few times before I forced myself to swallow, "Oh fuck, that's nasty. Crunchy like fresh but it tastes like _ass_ …" I paused in thought, "No… correction, tastes worse than my girlfriends ass. _Wow_ that was bad. It's like the devil's bunghole fruit!" I made another gagging motion and blew a raspberry.

I _wanted_ to just chuck the fruit out into the ocean, but I also needed food. I'd already decided that it was my last choice to eat this, possibly poisonous or not, but holy fuck that was bad. Not just fuck, _holy_ fuck, like the kind that made Jesus.

… gimme a break here, I didn't want to eat more of that.

My stomach voiced its dissent to that opinion, and its veto won out.

With a sigh, I broke off another piece, muttering, "If this isn't actually a Devil Fruit Ima be _so mad._ "

-oOo-

I sat cross legged in the sand in my lean-to. I was inordinately happy I'd been so obsessed with Survivorman and other such scenarios in my past life. I flexed my hands a few times, looking at them. I didn't _feel_ any different aside from the horrifying taste in my mouth that the oasis water had refused to get out worth a damn…

A pinch. Nothing.

A tug on my flesh. Also nothing. Wasn't expecting the Gomu-Gomu no Mi mind you, but gotta check.

Scratch at the sand. Nothing.

A quick survey of my body (that I should've done first thing) showed no abnormalities. Scars are still in the right places. Big ole' chesty is still there, the ones on my knuckles are still there, biceps are still fubar, one on my foot is still there as well as the one on the underside of my chin. Couldn't see that last one but I could feel it just fine.

My fingers trailed across my temples and the bridge of my nose, yeah, that one was still there too. That one got a little sigh of relief.

Hm… oh! PleasebeLogiaPleasebeLogiaPleasebeLogia–

… how do I turn into something?

I remember Smoker's Lieutenant doing it initially with some ease, but struggling to turn back…

I flexed my left hand hard, then harder– and now it's black!

My hand changed…

My–… my hand changed into something!

I had super powers? I had super powers!

A stupid little giggle escaped me, quickly turning into a laugh. I had a super-power!

Bouncing in place, I cradled my elbow, grinning at the new addition to myself, "Oh… oh wow… I've… eeeeee~"

Clapping my right hand against my left elbow in giddy excitement, I let out another giggle before swallowing it down. It took a few slow breaths before I got myself under control enough to actually look at this rationally. I stared, slowly turning the black hand back and forth with a stupid little grin on my face.

"Doesn't _look_ like a Logia… Parmecia…? Or did I accidentally Haki all over myself?" Awkwardly, I raised my other hand and carefully, curiously, poked my left hand.

Hard.

"Huh… fascinating…" without any sort of irony, I slowly turned the hand and examined it in wonder. It was smooth, a dull gray more than it was black really. It wasn't the right color for Haki honestly… it was shiny, and really hard. Tapping it did nothing, rapping my knuckles against it just stung and it made a little thunking sound… I opened my hand.

… I _opened_ my hand.

My eyebrows drew downwards.

I said I _opened my hand_.

My lips pressed into a thin line as my heart started to race.

"Stop that Jacob. Brain now, not later. I turn into something, metal maybe? But I can't move… not the way I'm used to at least…" I scowled, taking measured breaths. Open my hand… and open my hand again? Like the 'open your eyes, then open them again' third eye bullshit…

With a soft, resonant groan of bending metal my hand opened and I let out a reflexive sigh of relief. A stupid smile spread across my face.

It took a few minutes to get the hang of it, but it wasn't about flexing my muscles normally so much as visualizing what I wanted it to do… but after I got it going, I _could_ move it normally… but it was _hard_. I think it was because I was bending the metal with my normal muscles rather than my power… but that was a first guess at best.

The hand _felt_ weird. I could feel things, but they felt… I dunno… harder? No, _I_ felt harder, and yes, all the jokes, but that was the best word for it.

Eventually, I stopped playing around and set the hand in my lap. So… visualizing is how we work it? No, it's more like flexing a muscle you didn't know you had… hrm… I closed my eyes and took a slow breath–

And flopped onto my back.

Working my way through my muscles, I relaxed them each in turn until I got to my hand and… _man_ that felt different.

Opening my eyes I held up the now normal hand and turned it to and fro once more, "So… now let's try everything else…?"

-oOo-

 _*Thunk!*_

My metal hand pulled out of a dent I'd put into the palm tree. My hand was actually heavier now that it was metal, I could notice the difference when I deliberately let the hand drop rather than holding it up. I'm _thinking_ that's because I was lifting it with my power otherwise.

I pulled my hand back and slowly flexed it, the gunmetal gray slowly creeping up my arm until it reached past my bicep. Satisfied, I took a stance once more and cocked my metal arm back and gave a solid right straight into the tree!

 _*CRCKthoommmm*_

The fiberous bark splintered and cracked as my hand sunk an inch into it, making the entire thing shake and tremble, actually leaning it away some.

… well _damn._

I blinked a few times before tugging on the arm. It didn't budge.

With a scowl, I tried to open my hand and gave it a twist, causing the wood it was embedded in to crack and splinter some more, but freeing my hand.

With some effort, I relaxed my arm and transformed it back to flesh. I'd felt that, but it was… distant? Yeah, that was the best word.

Carefully, worriedly, I took a deep breath… and started to shift myself from the tips of my fingers and toes and work my way downward towards my torso. Devil's Bunghole Fruit powers never seemed to have those inherently fuck-yourself-over powers that Mutants could get, but I didn't want to get most of the way and suddenly find that oh, I couldn't breathe.

Fists of steel.

No problems.

Forearms of steel.

Would be more badass if I had more bulk. Curse you lean figure!

Arms of steel.

I could probably play a mean patty-cake.

… stop being a pansy damnit.

Body of steel.

My entire outer body was iron and it felt… weird… I could breath, but it felt like there was a weight on my chest… which there was of course… I could feel my heart beating… maybe it was just my skin…? Mm…

Flex my heart?

Flex my heart.

Heart of steel.

A moment passed.

Nothing happened.

I put a finger to my jugular. _'… well, no heartbeat, but damn if I don't feel fine. No blurry vision… not breathing either now. Don't… really feel the need? Cool, potentially useful too…'_

 _'… if it weren't for the fact that I **can't swim anymore**.'_

Eesh. Gotta remember that. That was definitely a devil's bunghole fruit.

Okay so… face?

I tried to tense up my head and just gave myself a bit of a headache at first. Hrm… flex from the brain outward…?

Mind of Steel.

 _Man_ that felt weird, but also cool. And so I was steel. Hah! Awesome. The world looked... _weird_... the sand looked different and I looked... um... how do you describe a color you've never seen before...? I think I was seeing my metal-ness as something special...? I shifted back with some effort. So… try to change each part in turn? Then I'll test how strong I am full transform. Then we'll go from there.

-oOo-

I was _easily_ strong enough to tear a tree out of the ground while metal. _Damn_.

I mean, I was superhumanly strong _before_ this fruit came along, could lift a few hundred pounds and swing a sword right through concrete, but _damn._ I could use the tree like a freaking club! I didn't have a good way to gauge how strong I was my Body of Steel.

Also, lost track because of how giddy I was _because superpowers!_ but that god awful piece of fruit was actually pretty filling. Thank goodness. It'd been utterly horrible tasting but at least I wasn't hungry now… it _had_ been nearly the size of my head mind you.

… give it an hour or two more and I'll be hungry again.

-oOo-

A ship.

Are you fucking shitting me.

The _morning after_ I buckled down to eat that taste of the devil's bunghole fruit down and _now_ there's a ship on the horizon.

Oh you'sa makin' me _so mad_.

I laid the green fronds on the fire and blew into it from beneath, creating as much of the oily black smoke as I could. Even if these were slavers or some shit, it was a place with food. While this could be _horrible_ , I had to do it to make some sort of progress.

The ship was headed this way… couldn't' see the flag just yet… wasn't sure if I was hoping it was a Marine ship, a Pirate ship, or a merchant vessel… but no matter what, it was a ship.

Marine's were only a little iffy, depends on if I was recognized… I _doubt_ it, compared to the crew I'm not a big deal nor am I all that distinctive outside of that horizon scar on the bridge of my nose and temples. Besides, they wanted me _alive_ and rather specifically _not dead_ … regardless… so long as it wasn't slavers or a World Noble or something crazy like that…

-oOo-

 **Prologue End**


	2. New Boss Part 1

**New Boss**

\\_-o(X)o-_/

"But momma! I don't _want_ to be a pirate! And I'm not even old enough to care about wench's yet!"

 _*Thwap!*_

I cringed away from the swat even as my momma shook the newspaper at me, "You are going to be a pirate worthy of your family name and treat wenches right! Now how do you treat a wench?"

With a sigh, I recited what she wanted me to recite, "I will always smack a wenches ass if they bring me an extra beer, _which I don't like because it tastes like horse piss–"_ _*Thwap!*_ "Gah! Alright! Ugh. I'll slap her ass if she brings me an extra beer. If she slaps me forehand then she's interested. Backhand means try again later that night. But if she punches me it means she's taken."

"And what do you do if she's taken?"

"Leave her alone, obviously!" _*Thwap!*_ "Gah! What'd I say?!"

"No! You catcall her to show your appreciation! You don't touch the wench again but I won't have any son of mine disrespecting a wench!"

"I'm the only son you've got," I said petulantly, only for the rolled up newspaper to swat across my ass hard, "Ack!"

"All the more reason for you to get it right! Now repeat it again!"

-oOo-

The poop deck was aptly named, seagulls shat on it a lot. The brush in my hand made a soothing swish-swish noise as I lost myself in the simple task–

"Hey! Ironhide!"

 _STEEL!_

 _*BONGGG*_

A heel dug into my back, denting it and making me cringe, "Ow."

"Make me somethin'!"

"Woman." I grunted, having been forced to my elbows and knees by the sudden kick by my new 'captain', a.k.a. - the chick in charge of the ship I was bumming a ride from, "Can't do that while you've got your heel in my back–"

A quick motion and I rather suddenly had a boot in my side. _*BONGGG!*_ "Gah! I think you dented a rib!"

"You'll be fine!" A quick snap of her leg and there was a boot back in the same spot, the muffled bong resonated through my body. It only _kinda_ hurt despite the fact that it _actually_ dented me this time, "Now make me some pizza you idiot!" _*BONGG!*_

"I will if you–" _*BONG!*_ "Stop!-!" _*BONG!*_ "Kicking me!"

I finally stumbled up, flailing my arms about as I backed away from the kicking fiend, glaring at her as I held up my hands to ward off any further kicks.

Bonney was glaring right back, her lips curved down into a frown, "Pizza. Now."

"Stop _kicking me_ , now." I rebutted even as I turned, giving my torso a twist as I turned away. With a muffled whump, the dents she put in my back popped out.

The rest of her crew rather pointedly didn't say anything as I headed towards the kitchen.

-oOo-

 _*WhumpaWhumpaWhumpaWhumpa*_

"Never seen that style of pizza dough..." Rodger? I think it was Rodger, one of the several cooks on this ship, was commenting on my style of kneading the dough. He looked like a chubby Italian guy with a fro, a scruffy soul patch, and with a small mustache.

I grunted as I continued punching the dough for the pizza demanded of me, "Learned it from my mom."

Little fib there, because my momma didn't teach me this, she encouraged it though as a side bit of training. But my mom, my old mom... from before all of this, she'd been the one to teach me to do it sorta like this. Giving the dough a solid but precise beating, sweeping your hands through flour between folds to make sure nothing stuck. Beat up the dough, karate chop plus sweep with the other hand to fold it over, back to beating on it.

A rapid fire bit of punches radiating outward thinned it out into a vague square.

Apparently, I'd swam onto an island that Bonney had hid some stuff on, and they'd been swinging by it to pick up the treasure they'd hid there before heading off to the Grand Line. No way they'd help me look for my family, but they were willing to let me tag along till the next port. Well, so long as I did some shit jobs around the place and pitched in when it came to cooking for The Glutton. That encounter had actually not gone as bad as you'd expect aside from the increasingly angry kicks Bonney had been giving me for the lack of coconuts and... well, the lip I'd been giving her.

 _'Hmm... texture's wrong...'_ I added a bit more yeast in this dough so it'd rise more than normal, but this was gonna be a deep dish pizza, seafood style, with some extra layers... it was almost a lasagna really.

Bonney was a pig, also smoking hot, but a pig. Her table manners were _horrific_ , mom would've torn her a new one for it. Momma wouldn't have minded though…

Taking it and dropping it into the dish that I'd already oiled it up and started layering down the cheese.

Actually, Momma probably would've loved Bonney. Bonney was a pirate, a successful one, an attractive one, and one who took no shit and gave no quarter but wasn't needlessly cruel as far as I could remember from the series as well as what little I'd seen on her while here. Long pink hair which looked a lot more natural in real life than it had in the series, mostly western-esque features with a hint of latino and Asian to her. And honestly, _dat ass_.

Momma would've loved her and tried to set us up.

I was _mostly_ trying to avoid getting on her bad side after having eaten all of the coconuts she'd been intending to eat at the island–

"Where's my pizza?!" the shout came from the kitchen.

But, ah... she... wasn't making it easy. "Cooking you crazy wench!" I hollered back as I poured on some light marinara.

"Cook it faster then!"

"Get your panties out of the crack of your ass and calm your damn tits!" I snapped even as I deliberately added a layer of cheese sprinkled with bits of slightly cooked crab.

"My tits are calm dumbass! It's my stomach that needs the food!"

"Sorry!" I called out, "I just thought that all that food went into your huge udders!"

A moment of silence, and I grinned, not really noticing as Rodger scooched back. _'Hah! Won that one–'_

"Oh you are _dead!_ "

 _STEEL!_

The door to the kitchen burst open, nearly flying off the hinges as the pink-haired captain flew in feet first–!

 _*BONGGG!*_

"Ow! Stop–!" _*BONGBONG!*_ "Kicking–!" _*BONGBONGBONG!*_ "Me! You psycho!"

-oOo-

The steel that was my spine groaned in protest as I twisted slowly, trying to straighten it back out, "I think you knocked my spine out of alignment."

I'd only been on the ship for a day so far, and I was hesitant to test out my abilities amongst people I didn't really know yet. I didn't know what my limits or abilities were beyond what I'd already discovered. Apparently I could pop dented portions back out, though... y'know... _metal_ , kinda hard to actually do that much force if I was in solid metal mode.

"Y're shoul'nt of inshulted me!" Bonney said through a mouthful of pizza.

"Tch, ya shouldn't have been so impatient," I countered before letting out a sigh of relief as my back cracked back into place and I relaxed my power, letting it return to being just flesh and bone, "Besides, it wasn't really an insult, you've got a great pair of tits."

There was sudden silence in the kitchen and I blinked, turning to find the other members of Bonney's crew glancing back and forth between me and Bonny rapidly. I looked to her to find a suspicious glare on her face… which was kinda ruined by the bit of crab meat hanging out of her mouth. She swallowed it down and scowled, "And what's that supposed to mean?"

Despite the low danger in her voice, I just raised an eyebrow and held her gaze, "That you're really attractive? Seriously, there's nothing more to it than that."

Mind you, I flexed all of my insides into steel _just in case_.

"So you're _not_ hitting on me?"

"Not particularly? You're hot, but your attitude isn't my type."

Her glare intensified and I shrugged, "What do you want? I'm telling you the truth."

The silence hung over the kitchen as we scowled at one another before she snorted and took another bite of the pizza, "A' leasht you make a good pizza."

My scowl melted into a smile even as the rest of her crew sighed in relief, and I gave a nod, "That I do."

\\_-o(X)o-_/

"I–! Said–! I don't wanna–! Be a pirate!" with a snarl I stumbled backwards, being a midget even for a five year old didn't do me any favors.

"Hehahahaha! Like your mom will let you Nerd!" the tall and lanky swordsman of the crew laughed as he stopped pressing the attack.

"Tchuh!" The sword I was holding clanged uselessly against Barley's as he knocked it aside. With another clenched exhalation I swung again, "Tchuh!"

"Come on Nerd! You can do better than this!" He didn't even budge an inch as he deflected my blows.

"Shove it Barley!" I snarled at the thin man, my broader sword easily deflected by his rapier.

My next semi-flailing swing went wide at the sudden shout from my mother, "Jacob! What did I tell you about that kind of language on this ship?!"

"Sorry Mom! Shove it so far up your ass that you choke on it Barley!"

"Much better sweetie!"

The blonde swordsman guffawed even as some of the other deckhands chuckled and I blushed in spite of myself.

-oOo-

"The hell are you doing…?"

I blinked, looking up from the wood I was working with to raise an eyebrow at Bonney, "Making a plum bob."

"… a what?"

"A level so I can rebuild the tools to rebuild my gun." I said, looking back down at the pieces of wood, ensuring they were properly measured for a third time. As my dad from before had said, measure twice, then measure again, cut once.

"We've got pistols." The captain pointed out, hands on her hips.

"Yeah, but they're… I hesitate to say primitive since it's the standard… but my gun was better."

"Uh-huh."

Satisfied with my measurements, I held up my right index finger and began to wiggle it back and forth rapidly. A soft blue glow appeared at the tip of my fingernail and a quick flick of my wrist sent a glowing blue arc straight through the piece of wood at an angle.

Bonney blinked before scowling, "What was _that_?"

That made me blink and look up at her, "… that was the Rankyaku? Or a minor variation of it at least." I admitted. The techniques the CP9 used in the anime and manga actually weren't difficult to figure out the basics of, at least if you knew they were possible. Figuring them out in the first place was probably a _bitch_ , but recreating them from knowing they're possible? Not unfeasible.

"The _what_?"

"It's a technique based off of the Art of Destruction and Haki," which were really just different manifestations of the same thing, "You basically create a willpower infused vacuum-shockwave of air."

It wasn't the leading edge of the effect that actually created the cutting bit! It was the _trailing_ end and the vacuum it created that was filled with haki that was destructive. It glowed because it was essentially pure haki.

"… _how_?" I looked up as I placed the pieces in place, making sure they fit perfectly. Bonney's eyebrows were high, nearly at her hair-line.

"Basically move the body part or sword really fast while infusing the vacuum you're creating with your intent–"

"No." I stopped at her scowl, "How did you learn this? That's a Marine technique."

My eyebrows went up, I'd been assuming that she didn't know the technique, "I figured it out. It's not that hard honestly once you have the basic idea. It just takes practice."

Her eyes narrowed now and her hands went to her hips, "And what about the rest of the Rokushiki?"

"Conceptually? Not hard. The problem is the training required and true mastery. I mean, what, Tekkai is just flexing really hard? Shigan is just training your finger to survive the stresses of a high power punch? Soru is kicking the ground really hard really fast to do a jump. Kami-e is a deliberate and conscious relaxing of your muscles. Rankyaku and Geppo are the only ones that are conceptually difficult really."

"And how do those work?" she questioned.

Eh, why not? I kinda _did_ want to stay on her good side since this was _her_ ship, "I've mentioned Rankyaku, but Geppo is basically kicking the air hard enough that it explodes."

The look she gave me expressed her disbelief quite well, "Really."

"Seriously. The best way I've found–" and only way **I** could do it so far, "–is to sort of cup your feet together as you kick downwards to compress the air and then flicking your feet to set it off."

She pondered that for a moment as I returned to my work, gluing the plum bob into shape.

"So… you know how to do them?"

"The basics, and only those. Can't even _do_ Shigan… not unless I turn my finger and hand into iron to survive the impact…" which is something I can do now, holy shit, "I honestly favor sword and pistol over the pure physicality of the Rokushiki."

"So you can do Tekkai."

"Mhm…?" I glanced over at her as I held the plum bob in place, finding her scowling once more, hands on her hips.

"Why weren't you using it when I kicked you?"

I blinked. Well for one, I hadn't thought about it too hard yet and to combine it with my iron body, "Well, it's rude to break the foot of the captain who's letting you on their ship."

Bonney's scowl disappeared for a moment in surprise before she smirked, "And turning into iron is different?"

"Oh don't give me that," I snorted as I watched the plum-bob carefully to make sure it wasn't getting out of alignment, "You're the one who's denting somebody _made of steel_. You have no room to complain about it."

"You didn't even _notice_ when I kicked you _lightly_ ," she growled and a heel suddenly dug into my side, making me cringe, "So I hit you harder."

"Tch, bite me."

-oOo-

 **New Boss Part 1 End**


	3. New Boss Part 2

**New Boss Part 2**

\\_-o(X)o-_/

"Yo-hooo yo-hooo a pirate's life for me…"

I curled up against my mother's side as she slowly rocked the hammock back and forth, singing to me. Was it stupid that I was having trouble sleeping and that this helped? Yes. Yes it was. But did I appreciate my momma mk II for doing this?

"We pillage we plunder we rifle and loot, drink up me 'earties, yo ho~"

Oh you have no idea.

"We kidnap and ravage and don't give a hoot, drink up me 'earties, yo ho~"

The indoctrination I could've done without, but still.

"Yo-hooo yo-hooo a pirate's life for me…"

Gimme a bit of a break though, I wasn't even five yet. So it was a muffled sleepy noise I snuggled it my momma's side under her arm.

-oOo-

"Mm-hmm mm-hmm do-dodo-dodooo," carefully, I pressed the glowing tip of my finger into the tube of metal, slowly carving it into a drill-bit.

"What's this–?"

My hand blurred into motion, grabbing a piece of paper off of the kitchen-counter, _*Thwap!*_

Bonney's hand jerked away from the kitchen equipment she'd been reaching for, "Don't touch." She glared hard at me for that one and my own look softened as I turned back to the drill bit, "I'm not making food, this stuff is poisonous as hell."

I gestured towards the various bits of kitchen implements I'd appropriated for my chemistry work, "General rule, if I'm not handing it to you, don't eat anything I make. Pretty much _all_ of this will kill you horribly."

With a deliberate motion, I reactivated my Ryonkakyo Chisel and began carving the drill-bit once more while I waited for the mixture to finish drying out over the low heat.

The attractive woman frowned, leaning over my shoulder to watch the paste congeal, "Well what is it? A poison?"

"Not a deliberate one," I said as I glanced at it quickly to double check it was where it was supposed to be, and then turning up the heat just a bit, "It's a special material I use in my bullets, lost what I had prepared beforehand to the fight that got me knocked off the boat…" I scowled and set down the drill-bit while I dialed down the heat just as the mixture started to bubble.

"What's it do?"

"Mm… watch." Pulling it off of the fire, I dropped the hot pan into a bowl of ice to cool it back off.

The Captain of the ship gave me a funny look as I got out a little knife and cut out a bit of the mixture, a little circle of material. Carefully, I moved it to the countertop and set it down, sliding the knife into its sheath and picking up a little hammer. "You might want to back up a little bit."

The lean woman took a single obligatory step back and I shrugged before bringing the hammer down quickly against the material.

It exploded with a crack and flash of smoke and light, the force nearly knocking the hammer out of my hand and making Bonney flinch just a bit. "So… you made a new gunpowder… big deal."

"Tchehehaha!" I laughed, "Not just gunpowder, an ignition explosive that works _only_ off of kinetic energy. Water can't ruin it." Picking up the pan, I moved it over to the counter top and began cutting out portions of the primer, "It acts as a primer for a contained charge for my pistol."

"Huh... so you use a normal charge?"

"Mm, mostly." She elbowed me and I rolled my eyes, "If I had all of my equipment and notes on my old ship I could make a bit better mix, but without that I can still use normal powder." Really, my 'personal' mix was just one that packed more punch at the cost of more smoke, which Observation Haki rendered moot.

"So why are you making it?"

"Trying to recreate my pistol. Pretty sure it was knocked into the ocean in the battle…" I trailed off at the thought briefly before shaking my head and setting the now segmented mixture down and beginning to clean up.

"Is that what this… _thing_ … is for?" Bonney asked, gesturing at the rig I was building. It was honestly pretty ghetto, but this was just a temporary solution regardless. I had a more... 'proper' rig on The Patch, at least something I'd spent more time making more precise and less ghetto-rigged.

"Mhm. It helps me make an adjustment to the barrel that makes the gun a lot more accurate," I noted. They actually only used riffling in... well... rifles. And even then not in all of them. Haven't figured out _why_ yet, though my current theories deal with where they're manufactured.

The Captain crossed her arms under her breasts, a contemplative look on her face, "Could you do that to our guns?"

"Sure? Unless you're talking about your cannons, in which case I'm not comfortable trying it on them." Rifling the barrel of a handheld gun is one thing, mess it up and you _might_ lose a hand if you're stupid about it. Mess up the rifling of a twelve pound gun and you kill a half dozen people.

Bonney's eyes narrowed for just a moment before she turned to me with probably the most serious look I'd ever seen on her face, "Do that, and if the improvement is to my satisfaction you won't have to do the shit chores any more."

I raised an eyebrow, "I like that plan. Though it'll be hard to get a good test at the range of this ship without using up a lot of bullets and gunpowder."

A small smirk crossed the pink-haired woman's face when Rodger burst into the kitchen, "Captain!"

Instantly, she was at alert and I wasn't far behind, "What is it?"

"We're approaching Reverse Mountain!"

My eyes lit up, "Oh! Sweet!"

Bonney's eyebrows had shot up before she bellowed, running out onto the deck, "All hands on deck! Secure the cannons! Lock everything down…!"

With a smile, I began to make sure everything was metaphorically bolted down, locking the cabinets and stuffing the dirty dishes and pots away. Reverse Mountain was always a treat.

-oOo-

I leaned on the prow of the ship, a smile on my face as we approached the entrance to the river from the South Sea. Bonney was shouting orders, "Full sails! Aim right for the middle of the gates!"

"Oi!" I called back over my shoulder, "There's usually a hard eastward current at this gate! Pull starboard a bit!"

"You done this before Ironhide?!"

"A time or two!" I grinned, the crew often jumped between the seas, though we favored the West Blue. Not too poor and not too heavy of a Marine presence.

"And why should we trust you?" She shouted from atop the first layer of the cake that was the cabin of this ship.

"Tchahah! D'Ya think I _want_ to get smashed against the rocks?! I've got a Devil's Bunghole Fruit too y'know!"

I couldn't hear her snort over the roar of the water, but I could see it. Then Bonney bellowed, "You heard him! Pull to starboard!"

"Aye aye Captain!"

The ship turned just the slightest bit in the strong current and I gripped the railing with a grin.

200 meters.

"Ya overdid it! More to port!"

150 meters.

"Aye!"

75 meters! We're speeding up! I grinned.

"Hold on!" Rodger? Nah, that was Wallace. Also, understatement of the year!

With a crash and spray of water, the ship bucked as it hit the upward current and I laughed, "Tchehehahahahaa _aaa_! I _love_ this part!" Relieved laughter and shouts came from the crew as they held on for dear life.

It was the best water slide you'd ever even heard of! We were going at an absurd speed straight up a mountain! The entire ship shook in the rough, rapid current, vibrating like an ancient wooden roller coaster as it took the curves!

My fingers dug into the wood just the slightest bit as we neared the top of the _mountain_ in a mere minute, "Get ready for the top! There's a drop so hold on!"

The call went up, "Grab on! Gonna be a drop!"

And there it was~ I exhaled white mist through my smile.

With a splash, we were in the air over the mountain… amongst the ice particles and chill, the water fountaining up here was so high that it was turning directly into snow and ice… it was like an updraft of rainbow diamonds that floated back down… the anime had failed to do it justice.

And then the freefall was over.

"Eeeeeeeee!"

 _'…_ _was… was that Bonney…?'_ I blinked a few times before laughing, _'That's adorable!'_

The wind made my shirt and short brown hair flap rapidly as we rushed back down the mountain. Laughter bubbled up in me as adrenaline surged. No matter how safe I intellectually knew this was, it was a _rush_. The Layer Cake was a sturdy ship, it'd hold just fine.

\\_-o(X)o-_/

"I don't want to be a pirate," I told the old man as I tied off the tourniquet around his arm, "I was born into this. But that doesn't mean I want people to die or support what they're doing."

The rest of the crew, my family, were taking the treasure and goods that this merchant ship had. We'd taken it pretty quick and easy, the West Blue wasn't that dangerous. Most of the crew we had were competent, but Captain Billy and Barely used to play around in the New World, it took something serious to give us a scare.

I pulled tweezers from my belt as well as a piece of rope. I pushed the rope to the injured man's mouth, "Bite, this will hurt and I don't want you to bite off your tongue." He whimpered, but bit down on the length of rope. Placing one hand on his arm, I pried open the wound enough to slip the tweezers in and pluck the round shot bullet out.

The older man whimpered and groaned and squirmed, but with my hand on his arm he couldn't really go anywhere. I know for a fact that human's don't get this strong in my world, not this fast and not at six years old. It _did_ help that this guy was a middle aged doddering dodo, but still.

Dropping the bullet into the appropriate pouch, I dipped my tweezers back into the rinse water and then back into their disinfectant pouch. Grabbing the alcohol soaked rag from my back pocket and dabbed it against the bullet wound before pouring a little of alcohol on it just to be sure. "Mm, looks like it missed the bone, it's just a flesh wound, I'm gonna stitch it up and so long as you wash it gently with soap ever few days you should be fine."

I wasn't a doctor, especially at freaking seven years old, but I was the closest thing we had. My knowledge from my previous life was immensely useful in this regard, even though I was just in shorts and a little T-shirt, the crew had happily gotten me the tools to make my own belt and bandolier to store the stuff I ended up using whenever we got into a fight. I wasn't an expert, but these basic first aid things I could do…

"Captain Billy!" The needle drew a little hiss from the man I was treating every time I pushed it through his skin, making me roll my eyes. Even _before_ I was a pirate's son I could take this, oi.

"Oi! What is it?!"

"There's a storm coming in! We need to get to a place we can anchor!"

"W-What about us?" One of the civilians asked in terror.

"You get to figure it out yourselves!"

"Oi!" I snapped, "We drag them along! Otherwise they'll all die!"

Yermak, the newbie of the group, sneered, "So what? We've already got all their treasure!"

Captain Billy turned towards him with a small frown, but I was already moving. Yermak, a pretty good sized guy at seven and a half foot, towered over my midget self as I stomped up to him, "Oh? What's the matter Nerd? You've got a problem with these stupid–"

I kicked him in the shin. Hard.

 _*Wham!*_

"Ow! You little–!"

He crouched a bit reflexively, so I was able to uppercut him right in the family jewels.

 _*Whump!*_

"... ah..."

Yermak bent over, clutching himself as a soundless whimper escaped him. Now he was low enough for me to punch him straight in the stomach as hard as I could.

 _*Thump!*_

With a cough, he dropped to his knees. Good, now I was able to reach up and grab his beard and yank his head down to my level, "Now listen here you piece of shit. Killing people ain't never a good plan. Even for a stupid, sadistic little psychopath like you. Killin' people brings the Marines, and it'll _keep_ bringing the Marines until they're too strong to stop–" he started to pull away, but I was having none of that, I reared my head back and head-butted him _hard_.

 _*Crunch*_

Blood started dripping from his now certainly broken nose, and I ignored the pain in my own head, "And if we're _nice_ to them when they cooperate, then word'll spread and people will give up without a fight, which is always a good thing. _We're towing the ship_."

Credit where it's due, Yermak snarled as he grunted out, "Captains choice… not yours… you little shit."

"Barley." My Captain spoke, arms crossed across his chest, "Man the ship's wheel. Randal, take the helm of the Patch and set course for the oasis. Florida."

"Captain?"

"Don't gloat."

"Yes Captain."

-oOo-

"Ah, Florida, what are you doing?"

"Hm?" I looked up from my rig as I slowly worked the second rifling groove into the barrel, "Making my gun before working on y'alls?"

"Ah…" Tom scratched his scalp beneath his black hat, "Don't… you want a say in which route we take?"

That made me stop for a moment to look up at the significantly larger man, "… why? As in, why _would_ I get a say? I'm a hanger-on more than anything else right now, not part of the crew."

"Right," he shuffled a bit awkwardly before turning around, "Sorry f'er botherin' ya."

"Okay, hold up," stepping off of the rig, I put a hand on my hip and scowled a bit up at the southern-accented man. He'd stopped and half turned back towards me, "What's with all of..." I gestured vaguely at him, trying to indicate his attitude, "This. You're acting weird."

Tom tugged at his tight tank top, pulling it a bit further down, "It's just… you're kinda scary."

That made me snort as I leaned against my rig, "Uh huh. Have we missed the part where I don't even come up to your armpit?" I was actually an inch shorter than Bonney herself, I was the shortest person on this ship right now.

He frowned just a bit at my teasing, "You've got a Devil Fruit and stand up to the Captain."

"She's not _that_ bad." I rebutted.

" _We_ can't turn into metal," he said with a scowl.

I pointed a finger at him with a smirk, "She only kicks me that hard because I can take it and you know it."

Tom looked down at the floorboards, the look on his face making my smirk melt away in concern, "… Tom…? That's… not really why you guys don't go against her is it…?"

"... how old do you think I am, Florida?"

Pointedly, I looked over him. He was a big guy, sorta pear shaped, but about seven foot tall. Full beard, black ten gallon hat, missing tooth in his smile, big lips, some freckles, black hair, tattoos on his arms, overly tight tank top with the words 'Great Men' on it and shorts with suspenders and boots… not too many lines to his face but mostly laugh lines and such… "… you look like, thirty…?" Though given Bonney's power…

"I'm seventy."

 _'_ _Hoo boy…'_ I let out a low whistle, "Bonney's work?"

"Yes…"

"She does good work for a _piece of work_."

Tom snorted in amusement before looking away, "But she could take it away."

"Tch, has she actually held that over you?"

"Well… no, but–"

"Then stop acting like she will." I said, grinning just a bit, "Have some trust in your Captain. Besides, if she _does_ , me and her are gonna have to have some _words_. Mostly 'ow' and 'my face!' But words nonetheless."

-oOo-

 **New Boss Part 2 End**


	4. New Boss Part 3

**New Boss Part 3**

\\_-o(X)o-_/

"I do _not_ want to be a pirate." I muttered, tied up and hanging upside down from the main mast.

"Hahahaha! Ya gotta be faster ya stupid Nerd!" one of the newer crew members, someone who'd come on after we'd lost Oolong to the Marines.

A grunt shut the new guy up. But it wasn't from my tiny lil six-year-old ass.

"C-Captain! We was just–"

"Getting the boy back down." It was Captain Billy. My Captain. He'd been in charge of the crew ever since I could remember and probably would be for as long as we were the crew. He had two eye-patches.

Yes. Two eye-patches.

He wore both of them.

He was as blind as a bat.

Lots of people thought the big, gruff man was mystical or some shit since he could still fight and command a crew like this… but I bet it was Observation Haki. Him and Barley and momma had served on the same ship in the New World. I… honestly didn't know much, they didn't like talking about it… or even anyone _else_ talking about it. Momma had punched the last dumbass to try it around me in the back of the face.

Yes. The back of the face.

Think about it.

My momma was scary.

 _*Snap!*_

"Ack!"

 _*Thump*_

"Ow." I deadpanned as I lay on the deck, looking up at the sky.

"Oi!" Captain Billy growled, "You landlubbers know better than to cut a rope! You'd better splice that back together!" The newbies scurried to comply even as I wriggled, trying to get free.

"Florida."

"Captain?" I grunted.

"Do better next session."

"Yes Captain." Eh. Freaking sparring sessions against full grown crew members. Never fun.

My Captain turned on his heel and walked straight into the mast.

The newbies snickered, but no one commented as Captain Billy took a step back and pointedly walked _around_ the mast this time.

I hadn't learned what his real specialty had been before he'd lost his sight, nor why he wore two eyepatches rather than one blindfold, but I knew that this was just a fraction of the strength he'd had back when my mom was active before my birth and with both arms… back when he could see and aim with more than just his Haki…

And, to be fair, my Captain _could still punch cannonballs out of the air._

-oOo-

"Eh, pistols…?"

"Sure," I said, sitting on the railing of the ship as we approached Gothic Islands, "They're easier to make, and you'll probably make more use of them than rifles."

I'd never been to the Gothic Islands, which was technically an archipelago, resembling nothing so much as a spiderweb of cracks around a central lake. The islands were scattered in vaguely concentric circles of fragmented landmasses around a large, central freshwater lake, divided by significantly sized rivers.

"Eh, I was just expecting something a bit different is all." Bonney said, turning the pistol I'd added rifling to about in her hand.

But there were huge bridges over the big rivers that split up the individual islands. The archipelago was rather big as far as islands go, and was heavily populated, heavily forested, and rich in resources. It wasn't gothic in the sense of emo whiney babies, it was Gothic in the sense of Germanic barbarian tribes. While there were several port cities, the Gothic Islands were pretty lawless and had very little in the way of Marine presence. The native tribes didn't take well to the World Government. I had a feeling that there would've been more trouble if the tribes cared about sailing.

"If I stick around to the next island I'll modify them some more," I offered. They actually had this weird clip-pistol thing going on with common guns which loaded packets of a black powder derivative and ball ammo. The fire rate was shit for most guns, and reloading it took several minutes since you had to clean out the gun and very carefully load the paper wrapped packages.

"To do what?" Bonney asked curiously.

We were entering the light mist that perpetually hovered about these islands. I didn't know why, I _think_ it had something to do with it being a Winter Island with the central spring that fed the outflowing rivers being hot… best guess though.

"Better fire rate and reload time, it'll take some practice to get used to it though." Revolvers are awesome.

"More promises?" Bonney asked in disbelief.

I pulled my recently made revolver from my pants. She frowned and I smirked a bit. Turning, I dropped the gun to hip level and with a quick motion, used my other hand to pull the hammer back and let it fall back five times in quick succession, firing out into the ocean. I popped the cylinder out with a flick of my wrist and dug some of my own special paper wrapped charges out of my pocket and loaded the five in quick sequence before another flick of my wrist sent the cylinder back into place.

Took about four seconds total.

Bonney's jaw went just a bit slack and I had to resist the urge to preen as she muttered, "That… okay, that's definitely better."

"Some practice involved obviously," I pointed out even as I pushed the gun back into my pants. Most guns could fire maybe once per two seconds and had a capacity of about four shots for pistols and about five or six for rifles, "But yeah, I can make pistols and rifles like this with some effort."

That wouldn't be a big deal, and they could run off of my mix or, with a small modification, standard flintlocks. Whether I'd _make_ that modification or not before I left depended on how they acted.

Bonney gave me a calculating look, which I honestly found a lot more attractive than anything else she'd done, the pistol in her hand dangling, "And what would it take for you stay with us?"

I paused, looking out at the horizon, "… whether my crew is still alive or not."

-oOo-

Something occurred to me as I leaned against the railing at the prow of the ship. I turned back towards the cake-shaped cabin.

"Hey! Bonney!" we were coming to port on the northern side of the Gothic Islands, which had the smallest Marine presence. Tacitly, the pirates went to the northern islands, and the Marine's went to the southern ones.

"What is it Ironhide?!" the only woman on the crew hollered from the window to her cabin in the top layer of the 'cake'.

With my hands cupped around my mouth, I hollered, "Do you have any foundation or blush that I could borrow?!"

"What are you, some kind of pervert?!" she shouted back.

"Yes! But not that kind!" I gestured at the thin but noticeable line on my face. It was a horizontal cut going from the top of one ear to the other with an accompanying one on my nose, "This thing's pretty noticeable and I need to hide it!" She couldn't see it at this range with me at the prow, but there was no way she'd mistake what I was talking about while gesturing at my eyes.

"Oi! What are you planning on doing?!"

"Seeing if the Marines know what happened to my crew!"

"Don't bring the Marines on our heads!"

"Why do you think I want a disguise?!"

"Then get up here Ironhide!"

-oOo-

I'd borrowed one of the crew's ten gallon hats with as little embellishment as I could find to hide my short, spikey brown hair, and after some foundation and blush to hide the stark white of my facial scars against my bronzed skin I really hadn't bothered with anything else other than body language.

I mean, my classic outfit wasn't a shirt, shorts, and sandals… and I was down my usual bandolier, sword, and hat. My belt and gun were _sort of_ iconic, but I'd hidden those beneath my untucked shirt and I wasn't a big fish regardless.

So it was with total confidence and only a small deliberate swagger that I walked right into the "bounty office" on the island. Small room in a larger 'World Government' building, it just had two benches, some potted plants, and the clerk's window with some iron bars. It was really just the place that collected and disseminated money for the World Government.

The secretary at the desk looked up briefly, eyes only glancing over me before he drolled out, "How may I help you?"

"Eh… I was wondering if a bounty's been collected on," I drawled, deliberately cleaning my ear with a pinky to give the impression of disrespect, "Been hearing something about the Eyepatch Pirates and wanted to know if someone collected on m'ah bounty."

"One moment please," the man sighed and got up and headed off into the back room behind the desk and wall.

I stood there for a moment, my heart thudding in my chest despite the casual indifference I was doing my best to portray. It'd been over three weeks since I'd been stranded on that island… what had happened to my crew, my friends, my _family_?

After several minutes of tense silence that I spent scratching my ass, the secretary came back with a clipboard in his hands. Standing behind the bars, he flipped through it, "It looks like the Eyepatch Pirates have been collected on…"

My chest went cold and my hands clenched as the man continued, "Captain Billy the Eyepatch, deceased. Bladed Barely, deceased. Chugo the Chopper, deceased." He flipped the clipboard's page, "Mm, looks like the bounty on Florida wasn't collected on… ah, he's declared deceased but his bounty is for him alive."

"Yeah," I said, "They wanted that one alive only." I took a breath before spitting into a nearby plant pot, putting my hands on my hips to keep them from shaking. World wasn't spinning, but it was a close thing, "Tch, been trying to track them down for a while now… who do I gotta rib about takin' my bounty?"

 _' **Who do I need to kill?** '_

"Mmm…" another flip of the page, "Looks like Vice-Admiral Onigumo."

My stomach dropped out from me and my chest felt hollow, "The _Spider?_ "

The secretary looked up, noticing my out-of-bounty-hunter-character response, "Hm? There a problem?"

"Onigumo and I have… a history." _'Understatement of the year…'_ "Not happy he took my bounty."

"You know the Vice-Admiral?"

"Not… personally. Tch," I snorted and failed to restrain a snarl as I turned, "Great. There… ugh… there goes that bounty."

"There are other active bounties you might be able to collect on," the secretary offered helpfully to my back.

I waved it off as I walked out of the room, "N'ah, not now… gonna go drink, thanks though."

\\_-o(X)o-_/

"Mom…" I took a shuddering breath as I buried my face in her side, clinging tightly to her waist, "I… I don't wanna be a pirate…" I cried freely as I clung to her, trying to blot out the smell of smoke with her familiar, comforting smell.

"I know sweetie… I know…" her wrist softly brushed against my short hair as she stood strong.

I'd just seen someone die.

No… be killed.

My mom had killed that marine. Cut him in half with the meat cleaver. He'd come bursting into the kitchen where my mom and I hid during battles and my mom… she'd cut him in _half_ , one stroke…

I still had blood on me… he'd… he'd just _ruptured_ …

"Momma… I don't want to do this for a living…"

A cannon shot shook the ship and my mom hugged my little four year old body close, "I know baby… but you were born on a pirate ship, you were raised by pirates… the Marines won't let you go… it's why I want you to be strong… I don't want you to worry about having the Marine's hurt you… I don't want to worry about you getting hurt…" her arm squeezed me tight against her side, meat-cleaver held out towards the busted in door.

I whimpered and clung to her.

-oOo-

For what felt like the fiftieth time today, I sighed and rubbed my face. I walked over the grand bridges that connected the islands as I headed back northwards. These things were over a dozen meters across and very high, high enough to allow most mid to smaller ships to pass beneath them, sails and all.

So… I guess I was sticking with Bonney for the foreseeable future… wasn't a complaint but… ugh, what a day.

Progress was halted when I bumped into someone.

"Ah, sorry," I muttered as I backed up and looked up to find a man quite deliberately blocking my path.

 _'… the fuck?'_ The man leered down at me and I raised an eyebrow at him, "May I help you?"

"Oh no, not at all," the large man said jovially, but didn't move.

I glanced around. The bridge was blocked off partially by two large carriages. The gap between the two of them was filled with several dozen men with pistols and swords. Not too far away there was a line of people going through and handing over some belly. Behind all of the men was a moderately sized man with slicked back hot pink hair in a ti-dye shirt and black pants, obviously none of them were natives.

Man, I was more out of it than I'd thought if I hadn't noticed this until the guy had stopped me. I hadn't noticed on the way to the office since I'd geppo'd my way across the islands.

This time, the sigh was one of frustration, "There's a toll to use the bridge?"

"Oh no, not at all." He kept grinning but didn't say anything else. So I rolled my eyes and made a 'get on with it' gesture. It was then the man said, "There's a toll to get _off_ the bridge."

"Obviously." I grumbled as I pinched the bridge of my nose, _'Ugh. Not today. How tough are these guys…? Do I go around…'_ I paused, blinking before closing my eyes. I didn't feel any serious amounts of Haki from them, so they probably didn't have access to it…

Coming to a decision, I looked up at the man, "Look, I'm having a rough day and I've got nothing on me. Can I just go through?" It was a long shot but–

A big hand was placed on my shoulder, "We'll be the ones to say you've got nothing, otherwise your day will get a lot– AGH!"

I'd backhanded the wrist attached to the hand he'd put on me, feeling something in his wrist buckle and hearing a muffled crack, "No. You won't."

"Nng!" the big man clutched his wrist, but aside from his pained grunts, the bridge apparently had gone silent.

"Now, are we done? I've been having a bad day and you are _not_ making it any better."

 _**Pulling his pistol–**_

I sighed as I straightened my right hand, I started it vibrating as this guy started to pull his pistol. I stepped up as he tried to straighten his arm in aiming, his arm to the side of his head and his wrist past my back–

"Rankyaku: Chisel!"

–the glowing tips of my fingers flew upwards and plunged an inch into the man's forearm. The pistol kicked as it fired wide, the bullet flying up into the air.

The man screamed in pain as he stumbled backwards, blood pouring from the portion of his arm the vacuum chisel had gouged out. I just scowled at him as he clutched at the arm, hearing more than a few gasps from the line of civilians, but also quite a few safeties being undone.

First instinct was to _get the fuck out of there_ , but I resisted, instead clenching my insides and letting the hard sensation of steel pass through me. The pink-haired man approached calmly, and I flicked the blood off of my fingertips as I straightened out, "So, you've obviously picked a bigger fight than you intended, let me by and we're done here."

"Of couuurrrse–"

 _'Ugh, great, he's gonna attack me. Of couuurrrse.'_ I _really_ didn't want to fight them, but _I was having a bad fucking day_. That and they were probably murderous jackasses. This was a good way to vent.

"I'll just escort you past my men–"

 _'Really wish I had my sword, because I'd be willing to bet–'_

 _**Attacking with his arms–**_

I swung my hard fast and hard over my head, "Rankyaku: Blade!"

His arms flung forward, turning into amorphous pink masses, "Jello Jello no Cage!"

The barely perceptible crescent flash of blue split the pink masses, but they continued to surge forward to envelop my head and shoulders. I started to pull away-… but I didn't feel any pain aside from a general _pressure_ … at which point I remembered that I now had a Devil Fruit and turned my entire body slowly into metal, the pressure disappearing as I did.

"Kiiiikikikiki…" the man chuckled, the sound muffled by the… jello I guess? Couldn't see anything but blurry shadows through it… "Too bad for you… I'm a Jello-Man!"

 _'Oh joys. Someone hasn't read the list… by the way, is this supposed to be a threat…?'_ I tried to move and found myself struggling to do so… the guy moved with me so I couldn't get my head out and the resistance wasn't insignificant… at least without turning my muscles to steel… _'… well, this would probably be a problem if I needed to breathe… wait, is he still talking?'_

"–you'll die. Just like anyone else who gets on the wrong side of the Jello Pirates!"

 _*tintintinTing*_

"While we're here, _everyone_ pays the toll to get off the bridge."

 _*tintintinTing*_

"Good day, bad day, doesn't matter. If you don't pay the toll… you'll have a _very… bad… day…_ kiiikikiki…"

 _*tintintinTing*_

"I hope you all learn from your helpful companion's example! He was so kind to volunteer himself to show what happens when you don't pay the toll to get off the bridge! Kiiikikikiki–"

 _*tintintinTing*_

I was quietly drumming my steel fingers against my equally metal hip as I waited for him to _finish monologuing damnit_.

"Kiiii… ah… ahhh… you're… you're not dying…"

 _*tintintinTing*_

"Oh… oh… um… this… this has never happened before."

 **I'm going to grab him. Hand, Infusion.**

My left hand reached up and caught a hold of his jello-y arm, and with a weak infusion of **will** , it found true purchase in his semi-fluid body, "W-What-?!"

I ripped the pink mass of his semi-fluid arms right off of my face, finally able to see again. The jello-man's eyes were wide. A flick of my left arm, only intended to knock his jello-arm aside ripped the damn thing right off.

"N-No!" the pink haired man stumbled backwards, the masses of jello flowing back towards him –

But no. I'm done with this.

I took two quick following steps as my right hand cocked back, clenching into a fist–

 **I'm going to hit him. Fist, Armament.**

The force of my spirit encompassed my right fist and wrist, "Falcon-! Punch!"

Lunging forward, my arm straightened right into the jello-man's stomach, his body giving way for just a moment before he went _flying_ away. His flying body bowled over one of his men and hurtling through the air before he literally _splattered_ into pink jello against one of the trees on the other side of the river.

I just stared, frozen in place, fist extended. He'd flown over twenty meters _easy_. And if I wasn't mistaken, his amorphous body had caused the tree to splinter and crack. And I hadn't even felt it.

 _'… right. Metal-mode is stronger.'_ I blinked a few times as I straightened out, _'… Damn.'_

** _Sword swing, above left–**_

"You bastard!"

A half-step to the right and the oversized sword missed, embedding in the cobblestone as I finished the motion of drawing my revolver, bringing it up to eye level with the larger man. His eyes widened and I pulled the hammer back.

The bullet put a clean hole through his head with only minimal cavitation. The seven foot man fell forward like a puppet with its strings cut, falling onto his own sword.

Without letting the barrel of my revolver drop, I aimed at the slowly reforming mass of jello. My Observation Haki wasn't good enough to pinpoint where his head would reform, so I'd err on the side of caution.

Deep breath.

 **Chambers: Two. Three. Four. Five. Six. Armament.**

"Armament: Ebony." I squeezed the trigger and the revolver kicked in my hand five times in quick succession as I unloaded the haki-infused round-shot into the vaguely human-shaped mass of pink.

"Aagghh!" the mass let out a brief scream as it writhed before it hacked a few times and settled back onto the ground, solidifying into a human shape. Within moments, a patch of red began to expand in the ground beneath the still form.

"Y-You bastard!" I popped the cylinder out of my revolver as one of the jello pirates shouted, his voice cracking, "That-! You killed our Captain!" I blew into the cylinder to clear out black powder residue.

I looked up at the gathered men, finding guns once more pointed at me. Making a decision, I locked the cylinder back into place with a flick of my wrist. I softly asked, "Do you _really_ want to go there boys?" I turned towards them, tucking my pistol back into my pants, "If we do this boys, I'm gonna be killing you too."

A wielder of Conqueror's Haki I was _not_ , because only a few even looked concerned.

 _**Fourth guy on the left, opening fire, center of mass–**_

Hmm… I _could_ leap away, but here was a chance to test my power… "Alright then."

They opened fire and my joints groaned as I reflexively shielded my face, bullets ricocheting off of my iron skin… it… it felt like _rain_. It seriously felt no worse than some heavy drops of water splashing against my skin.

 _'… huh.'_ A vicious grin appeared on my face, "Well how about that."

My legs thumped against the ground rapidly, "Soru!" I only managed six kicks against the ground, two fewer than my average, but the ground beneath my foot buckled and I _flew_ forward. "Tekkai!"

Blood splattered against my iron skin and a body went flying off of the bridge, chest caved in.

The pirates barely had time to reorient before I was moving once more, "Soru!" Bouncing between the thugs like I was in a damn mosh pit, I slammed into their chests and sides, and one by one, they fell. A body of solid metal slamming into them at Soru speeds… there had to be more power in my tackles than a Buster Call Cannon.

 _**8lb. Cannon shot–**_

I turned quickly and the flash of insight, a little cannon they'd had in one of the carts was being aimed at me–!

"Geppo!"

I shot straight up and brought my feet together hard… _harder damnit!_

For rather obvious reasons, holy shit I weighed a lot more and it was a lot harder to gain altitude, but by the time the cannon fired I was well out of the swivel cannon's firing angle.

I let my internals relax back into flesh, keeping my skin as steel, the sudden loss of weight allowing me to get even higher above the pirates. Bunny hopping in the air, each little hop making the air explode beneath my feet, I scowled down at the situation.

Where there had been about two dozen pirates standing about, there was now mostly a red stain, broken and shattered bodies were scattered wide along the bank, torn apart and crumpled by the G-forces and impacts. There were only a couple left, while a few were running away like _smart people,_ some were still pointing shaking guns at me… and two were trying to reload that cannon…

A bullet pinged off of my skin.

 _'… how about no?'_

Body of Steel!

"Geppo, Soru!" With a quick jack-hammering of my feet against the air I launched myself at the cannon, coming down like a missile. My eyes closed as I braced myself, tumbling those last few feet– Wood, flesh, steel, and stone all _crumpled_ and the impact was more of an _explosion_ , dust and fragments of stone getting thrown up into the air.

The fractured stone beneath me _shifted_ and I froze. I'd nearly punched a hole through the bridge–! I had a moment of panic mixing in with the brief disgust at having literally blown the two men to pieces. Was I going to plunge into the river-?!

For an instant, I didn't move, afraid the bridge would buckle.

"Is… is he dead…?"

But the stone held.

A sigh of relief escaped me and, with some effort, I shifted, causing the stone to crack as I got up off of the deformed cannon, which had been distorted and twisted like a twizzler from the impact… and that was an arm wasn't it? And that was a bit of a liver?

… hoo boy. That's terrifying.

The dust cloud was settling as I stood, wiping the blood, gore, and chips of stone off of my shoulder and arms.

With a calm I didn't really feel, I strode confidently out of a damn _crater_ I'd made.

I _was_ the Rod from God.

"N-No way…"

I stepped out of the settling dust cloud.

"M-Monster…"

"D-Demon-!"

"Scholar." I corrected, putting my hands in my pockets. Despite the churning of my stomach at the horribly _visceral_ bodily harm I'd just caused, I glared at them, "Now _get lost_."

With a terrified and wordless sound, the few remaining men broke and ran. A satisfied smile appearing on my face.

I turned to look at the civilians, "Oi!" They flinched away, not that I could blame them honestly, "Did anyone get hit by a ricochet?"

-oOo-

 **New Boss Part 3 End**


	5. New Boss End

**New Boss Part 4**

\\_-o(X)o-_/

With my thumb in my mouth, I trailed after my mother, holding tightly on to her empty sleeve. I honestly didn't want my tiny, four year old midget of a self to get lost in the crowd in the marketplace.

Since momma was the cook for the ship, she was the one who bought the supplies. I liked going along with her, since it wasn't pirate-y stuff. She had a basket in her hand and we both had slowly filling backpacks.

"Beef... Ham… swordfish… GonGon bird…"

Tugging on her long empty sleeve, I pulled my thumb from my mouth, "Fruits and veggies? To prevent scurvy?" And back into the mouth with the thumb.

I wasn't actually sucking on it, thank you older thought processes, but it made me look more adorable. And since we were bartering for stuff in the marketplace, it helped momma get better prices.

Momma smiled, gently ruffling my short brown hair with her hand, "You know they don't like those baby."

A frown crossed my face and I muttered, "Because they're idiots."

My momma rapped her knuckles atop my head, "Now what did I tell you about that language young man?"

"Sorry momma…" I muttered, "Because they're _fucking_ idiots."

"Better, young man."

-oOo-

 _*Wham!*_

The secretary nearly jumped out of his skin as I kicked the door to his office open. Credit where it's due, he had a gun trained on me in an instant as I shouldered my way in, the body of jello-face under one arm and the tied up form of his biggest lieutenant over my shoulder.

The marine stared at me as I walked up into the room and dropped pink-hair onto the shelf of the clerk's window, and the pair of guards that had been quietly following after me as I'd walked in peeked in through the open door.

After a moment, I grinned just a bit, "Got myself some drinkin' money. How much these fucks worth?"

-oOo-

With an almost comically oversized backpack of belly and gold on my back, I walked through the town in a much nicer outfit.

Day was still shit, but jello-face had been worth a decent bounty of about 50 million belly, his lieutenant or first mate or whatever had been worth a comparatively piddly 10 mil. For the North Blue these guys had been kinda… eh.

Fucking North Blue.

I sighed.

Day was definitely still shit, but the influx of cash was welcome. Gonna buy up some equipment and clothing and stuff for myself, especially if I was going to be bumming a ride on Bonney's ship for a while…

-oOo-

"Uuuggghhh… nothing in my style…" I grumbled sifting through the swords available. Nothing even resembling a longsword! It was almost all katanas and sabers! Sure, there were plenty of axes and greatswords and daggers and ridiculously sized cleavers, but nothing that I _wanted_.

… to be fair, katanas and sabers were good against unarmored opponents, which was basically everybody. But I preferred a good longsword so I could stab better and had another edge to work with.

With a sigh, I resigned myself to forging my own sword. _Again_. Oi.

-oOo-

"This is the finest leath–"

" _Please_ stop giving me shit," I cut off the saleswoman as I turned to and fro in front of the mirror, "I'm actually able to judge quality of cloth and leather and would _really_ appreciate it if you stopped with the sales pitch."

"A-Ah…"

"This is the _shiniest_ leather you've got, and the color is nice and rich. But it's thin and not particularly supple. Again, I'm concerned with durability and flexibility." With a small flourish, I removed the vest I'd been considering and handed it off.

"Y-Yes sir."

I was rather happy with most of my new outfit. Basic brown pants, good solid boots, a long-sleeved white shirt with a deep V… it wasn't what I used to roll with, but it'd work. I wanted to get a solid leather vest to have some more pockets than just my belt and bandolier… might want to get suspenders if I'm going to fit in with Bonney's crew... and I was gonna get myself some leather to make a coat.

The Marines and Whitebeard had the right idea with the coat. Not only was it sufficiently badass when draped over your shoulders, the extremely varied and rapidly changing climates made it a good idea to have a coat in easy reach, especially one that was water resistant.

On summer islands you could just drape it over your shoulders, spring islands it could act as a cape or poncho for the often rains, a windbreak on autumn islands, and on winter islands you could just wear the freakin thing.

Though I was going to add a hood and ditch the lapels on the shoulders.

But first, a _good_ vest. One with pockets and wasn't too shiny.

Also…

"Hey. Kid. Don't touch that." The presence at the corner of my awareness and close to my oversized backpack spiked with tension. It started to move and I turned, looking right at the oversized backpack, "Oi! I said _don't touch it_."

A dirty kid peeked out around the oversized backpack, he couldn't have been more than ten, "Yes, _you_ , now come over here." Awkwardly, the little street rat shuffled over, but the saleswoman rushed over.

"I'm so sorry sir! I'll have him removed right awayyyy…" She finally picked up on my glare. She swallowed, "I'll… go back and get your vest…"

"You'll go back and get my vest." I confirmed.

Hesitantly at first, the saleswoman turned around before scurrying back to the stock room.

I turned back to the kid, taking a knee to bring myself closer to his level, "Now, how many of you are there?"

"How many what m'lord?"

"Oh don't give me that," I said with a snort. "For one, I'm _not_ a lord. For another, you _know_ what I mean. Street rats? Orphans? I don't know what the adults call you here, how many of you guys are there here?"

The kids eyes fell to the ground, "Seventeen."

I stood, putting a hand on the kids shoulder and guiding him along. Kid was terrified, and I understood, "Look, I'm not gonna be here long, so there's not a whole lot I can do." As we passed the backpack I glanced around and _**felt**_ , taking a small chance it'd be seen I snapped my hand out and into the backpack, grabbing a stack of belly as quickly as I could and slipping it into the kid's shirt in a blur of motion, "But I can give you some advice."

The kid's eyes widened as I took a knee beside him at the door, "One." I pointedly held a finger up in front of my lips, holding his gaze, "Don't go telling people about this money, okay? I don't want people to bother me about this backpack."

His eyes glanced down at his ratty shirt before he looked up at me, nodding with the tiniest smile on his face. I grinned back and held up another finger, "Two, always share. All of you have to stick together out here."

The street rat nodded quickly, "Yes sir."

"Three, try to wash your hands. It'll help keep y'all from getting sick."

A more confused look crossed his face, "Yes sir…?"

"It's honest advice. Also, try to eat more fruits and veggies for the same reason." I placed a hand on his head, "I can't be here too long, but it's the best I can do." Meeting his gaze, I said softly, "You've been doing this for a while now, I can tell, so I trust you to not be stupid with this money. But really, try and avoid stealing from people like me and do the washing bit. It'll help."

"I… sure thing mister. I'll try."

I smiled just a bit, "That's all I can ask." I patted him on the head, "Now get along, otherwise the owner of the place is gonna burst a blood vessel over you being in here."

A devlish grin spread across the kids face and I knew _that_ twinkle in someone's eye, "No. You can't."

He pouted.

"Yes, they probably would deserve it," I admitted, "But that's what they expect of you isn't it?" He gave me a confused look, "They expect you to be nothing but trouble, to be a problem, to be useless and a disgrace, to never amount to anything meaningful…" The boy's face started to fall, but I leaned in to whisper a challenge, " _Prove them wrong_. In every way."

Realization dawned on the kid's face and he glanced down at his shirt before looking back up at me, beaming with a smile that was missing a tooth, "Yeah! Thanks mister!"

And he was off.

My chest warmed as I stood, dusting off my knee. Was I down a couple thousand belly? Yes.

Had that _seriously_ improved my day? _Also_ yes.

Now, I didn't _totally_ believe the kid was gonna do even half of what I'd said, but I could hope. And regardless, I'd definitely made his day. So that was definitely a plus.

I turned to find the saleswoman standing in the center of the room with a vest over her forearm and a painfully sour look on her face as she watched the kid go. Ugh.

… at least the vest looked good.

-oOo-

"How…"

"Yes, hi, yes, I'm with them, don't worry, I'll seat myself."

"What… what in the world… how?!"

"Scoochin' by, 'scuse me, big backpacks here."

"Where is it even going…?"

"Pardon me."

"Mmnph! Nng! Moar! More beef!" Bonney shouted, a significant portion of her crew behind her as she pigged out. The table in front of her had stacks of empty dishes on it as well as a few platters set in front of her. In her hand was a 'drumstick' of beef that was about as thick as her waist and nearly the length of her arm, her other hand was pounding on the table as she demanded more food.

Tom, mid placating attempt towards his captain, was actually the first at the table to notice me, "Ah! Florida!"

Bonney herself grunted and turned from her place half atop the table reaching for more food, "Irrnhhde?"

Despite the mouthful of meat muffling her words, I understood, "Yeah." I dropped the oversized backpack of belly and the other of supplies I'd collected beside the table, "Looks like I'll be making those new guns for you." With a sigh, I slumped into one of the un-used chairs at the table.

The Captain beamed for just a moment, bits of beef sticking out between her teeth before her eyebrows shot up and her face fell. She swallowed the bite in her mouth and opened her mouth as if to say something before closing it again an instant later. Making up her mind, she finally asked, "Your crew?"

I cringed, just the slightest bit, slumping into the chair and looking up at the ceiling, "Gone. Probably dead."

A small frown crossed Bonney's face and looks of varying degrees of sympathy crossed the faces of the rest of her crew.

Exhaling, I closed my eyes and forced myself to relax. Shopping was done and I'd finally found Bonney and confirmed that yes, I was allowed to tag along, and they couldn't accidentally leave me now. I… didn't really have a direction to go now, so one was as good as another… at least for now, I… didn't really have an overarching goal–… why do I suddenly smell beef?

Cracking open my eyes, I found a large 'drumstick' of beef filling a significant portion of my vision. Blinking in confusion, I leaned out just a bit and my eyes followed the bone back to a hand, up an arm, and then to Bonney's face. I tilted my head at her and she gave the drumstick a little jerk, "Eat… it helps."

I looked back at the partially eaten drumstick for a moment before a small smile spread across my face, "Thanks…" Reaching out, I accepted it. I held it, looking at in with a strange mix of emotions bubbling inside of me.

Glancing up I found Bonney watching me carefully. I raised an eyebrow at her and she snapped, "What?! Aren't you gonna eat?"

A teasing smile found its place on my lips, "Just surprised you're sharing."

Bonney snorted, looking away even as she grabbed another plate from the stacks before her, "Don't make a big deal out of it." A somber look tried to find purchase on her face, "… you just lost family… eating helps that hurt."

My own smile turned sad at that, "… yeah…"

Raising the drumstick up, I bit into it considerably more demurely than Bonney's own manners. And, satisfied, the captain… _my_ captain I guess… went back to stuffing her face.

Eh… maybe it won't be too bad.

-oOo-

 **New Boss End**


End file.
